I am sitting in my family room.
How did it become to be called a family room in the first place anyway?
Have you ever seen a family in the family room?
I have seen a family in the TV room, in the movie room, or in the game room.
But what does a family do in a room alone?
And what do I care, and why would I post this for the world to see?
Will they help me have quality time with my family?
Truth be told I am down here writing while my wife us upstairs thinking of yet another nasty thing to say to me.
Truth be told, no matter how much I wish in my mind she would just stop, she will not.
Drive me, drive me, drive my further away by your comments.
I am just a leaf on the breeze.
By the time you realize this, a leaf will no longer be a leaf, just mush in a heap of leaves.
So be it.
I wished I could have been a flower anyway.

No One Loves

No one cares, but me, about me.
Besides God, and all those that love me.
I know the truth but my eyes can't focus.
I know the meaning of this world, and it is not good.
I also know the meaning of my soul, and it was good.
Know the meaning of life is good.
And that the fight against the darkness is the spark that brought you into this world.
So finish the race. 

God's purpose is not to create us in the image of ourselves we see in our own mind, but in the image of what he sees of us in his mind. So do not curse the hand of God when he cuts so deeply.

The day you see the sun

The power of an engaged mind should not be underestimated.

The determination of a soul accomplishes impossible things.

The result of prolonged purposeful focus is the breaking of stalemates held for centuries.

I turn the light of my mind to the source of life deep inside of me.

Deep inside were no other mind can see, and I focus my piercing gaze.

I shall stare until you move or my eyes burn through you.

I arise in me a spiritual expectation, I fill my mind with wonder.

I lock in my mind to the single thought until if feel a vibration in the reality only I can control.

Keep myself in the moment until I feel that tingle in my spine.

Till the uncontrollable expectant breath.

Till all the muscles in body tense then pulse in a burst of ethereal force.

Cause today is the day, the only day, the singular day of my existence; and I will not miss it.

I feel my God beside me, I feel the bumps rise as his breath runs across my skin.

My entire body at the ready, the sum - that is greater than the parts of me awakens.

Hold steady now as the lips of God draw nigh to your ear, hear the whisper of life.

Today is the day my son,

Today is the day, the day you are born,

Today is the day you see the sun.

Be careful what you ask God for

Destitute, alone, and dying,

In inconceivable amounts of pain,

My soul knocks on the great door with its final knock.

The same door I have sat by and knocked all the days of my life.

All religion and philosophies aside, I have wasted my life.

Yet I am a repository of all the grace I have been given.

My life used up buy my love has not,

It’s just that at this point I find no one to give it to.

And I feel a vast emptiness, because I never found the answers I sought for.

Even though I came to understand I would not find them on this side of death's cursed door.

What was the point to my existence here anyway?

My love exists in those I have loved as they also reach the wretched door.

And has not advanced them in the slightest to the answers they have searched for.

For I know they cannot be found,

But by the faith I lost and can no longer find,

Because I no longer find it as true.

There was simply not enough evidence to convince me,

Besides the unmet longing in my soul.

So this is the bitter end,

And there is nothing left to be said my friend,

But goodbye.

Life and the joy of youth will continue without me.

And the misfortune that has followed me will pass with me.

To my unmarked grave,

To my ashes spread in the wasteland I lived in.

To feed the roots, to grow the fruits, to be eaten by future hopeless souls.

To continue the grand deception that there is meaning to be found in this life.

But there is life yet to be lived in this body before its pointless end.

And I do not wish to take those days away from it.

And my eyes still find beauty in the fading flower.

So when I go, even alone, I cannot find fault in the energy that sustained me along the way,

And the hope that this life was but one of my eternal days.

Who is the one who forces me to write a last line of hope when all I searched for is despair?

Why do the stanzas that begin in emptiness find their end with some new thought to sustain them?

Other then that I have found the bedrock of my existence,

Even though I do not understand it.

And If I have that in the end I am not destitute.

If I have that in the end I cannot die alone.

It was my body, which that thought – my soul, found as home.

That thought alone.

A Man Walking

I see a man walking,
I see a man talking,
Talking on his phone.
I see a man,
A man alone.
I see him pick up his pace,
I see the look on his face,
I see a man walking, talking, alone.

Untitled

I don’t believe those who say they have true faith without any uncertainty
I don’t believe those who say they have no faith with no doubt.
I believe in the true believer in me,
That finds the truth through the uncertainly,
That uses doubt to find the faith in the innermost parts.